What I Learned From Planning My Own Wedding in San Francisco (As a Wedding Photographer)

I always knew planning a wedding would be challenging. As a wedding photographer myself, I’ve witnessed all kinds of weddings, from big traditional celebrations to elopements and tiny laid-back gatherings, from hyper-scheduled timelines to days that unfolded naturally. And after planning my own wedding in San Francisco, I learned even more.

So this post is part wedding photographer perspective, part personal experience, and hopefully helpful if you’re currently planning your own day.

If you’re looking for a wedding day that feels relaxed, meaningful, and focused more on connection than perfection, this is probably for you.

What I Learned From Planning My Own Wedding in San Francisco

Full disclosure: while I am a wedding photographer, I’ve only been in the industry a few years. I didn’t actually start calling myself a wedding photographer until about two years ago. So while I definitely had some insider knowledge going into planning, I was still figuring things out right alongside everyone else.

And honestly? Planning your own wedding hits very differently when you’re the one making the decisions, balancing the budget, and trying to coordinate 100+ humans. 😅

Choosing the Kind of Wedding We Actually Wanted

I would have been perfectly happy eloping, but my partner wanted a big party. (To be fair, I also kind of wanted a big party…I just didn’t want to plan or pay for it, haha.)

So we landed somewhere in the middle: an intimate ceremony followed by a larger reception party with all our people.

After researching venues all over San Francisco and trying to figure out how many vendors we realistically wanted to coordinate, we ended up doing a full brewery buyout for our reception. Honestly, this simplified so much. We knocked out the venue and bar service in one decision, which immediately removed a huge layer of stress.

One of the biggest things I learned from planning my own wedding in San Francisco is that simplifying decisions wherever possible matters more than people think. This could mean working with vendors that cover multiple bases at once, booking something that’s all inclusive, or simply embodying the less is more principle. 

We Prioritized Experience Over a Perfect Timeline

From the very beginning, we wanted the day to feel fun, relaxed, and unhurried.

Now don’t get me wrong, timelines are important, especially when you have a lot of guests and moving parts. But I’ve photographed enough weddings to know that wedding days almost always move slower than expected. People want to hug you, congratulate you, catch up with you, and just be with you. That’s kind of the whole point. Right?

So instead of creating an ultra-tight schedule, we intentionally built in wiggle room throughout the day.

And I’m genuinely so glad we did.

I think sometimes wedding culture can make couples feel like every second of the day needs to be optimized for productivity or content creation. 

But some of my favorite moments from our wedding happened during the unplanned in-between moments.

Like when I got out of the car to meet my parents before our ceremony and my dad told me I looked beautiful. We didn’t schedule a first look, it just happened organically.

Or when I took photos of my new husband on 35mm film on the beach at Crissy Field Beach right after our ceremony and got to watch him smile back at me behind my own camera.

Or when my three sisters unexpectedly performed “Sisters” from White Christmas during our reception. They hadn’t even planned it until minutes beforehand, and it ended up being one of my favorite memories from the entire day. ❤️

As both a bride and a wedding photographer, I can confidently say this: your guests will remember how your wedding felt far more than whether the decorations were perfectly matched to one another.

We didn’t want our wedding to feel like a content production day. We wanted it to feel like a wedding. So we structured the day to really maximize our time with friends and family because at the end of that day, that’s what really mattered to us.

Honestly, that mindset is a huge part of how I approach photographing weddings too.

We Had an Unplugged Ceremony

This was an easy decision for both of us. We wanted our family members to be present and connected during the ceremony, not hiding behind their phones the entire time.

We asked our officiant, who was a close friend of ours, to have offer a short *beat* at the start of the ceremony where people could take their phones out for a photo or two. But after that, they had to be put away for the remainder of the ceremony.

The result? A grounded and intimate experience with a community of people actually witnessing the ceremony, not documenting it.

Planning a Wedding in San Francisco Is Expensive

You can say that again. 😂

Our original budget was $15,000. (Very small for San Francisco. We know.)

We also knew we probably wouldn’t stay within that number, but it gave us a starting point.

One thing that really helped us mentally was advice from Vivian Tu in her book Rich AF. She talks about having three budget numbers to start:

• Your ideal budget
• Your realistic middle-range budget
• Your absolute max before you’d have to sell a kidney

That mindset helped us a lot while planning our wedding in San Francisco because prices add up fast here.

We started saving almost immediately after getting engaged, about two years before the wedding itself. Having that extra time made a huge difference and allowed us to pay for things without going into debt or panicking when larger payments were due.

If you’re planning your own wedding right now, I would look at those three numbers, and then start setting aside money every month so that you’ll hit your middle number the month of (if not before) your wedding.

Things I Learned Along the Way

Double Check Venue Rules (Especially Around Kids)

If you’re planning events with children involved – welcome parties, brunches, rehearsal dinners, etc. – make sure you verify the venue’s policies ahead of time. (Sounds obvious, but hear me out.)

Our welcome party was at a brewery in San Francisco that also served full meals, so it genuinely never crossed our minds that children might not be allowed in the evenings. We found out during the event that kids technically had to leave by 7pm… and our party had started at 6pm.

Thankfully, the staff was incredibly kind and flexible after I explained the situation, but WOW, that was a stressful moment I would love for someone else to avoid.

Give Yourself More Time Than You Think You Need for DIY Projects

We did custom engraved wooden coasters for our guest favors.

One of my childhood best friends designed them, another friend engraved them, and then we decided to add a stamp to the other side and then seal all of them ourselves afterward.

It was very meaningful and personal… but we definitely underestimated how long the process would take. 😬(Ahem, if you’re adding ink to soft wood and trying to seal it, it will need a lot of time to cure.)

If you’re doing DIY projects or custom gifts involving friends and family, give yourself at least 3-5 months more time than you think you need. Better to get it done early and then set it aside until the big day.

If You Can Afford a Planner, Hire One

We did not hire a wedding planner.

Which is funny because deep down, I already knew we probably should. 

A wedding planner just didn’t fit within our budget, so we (somewhat reluctantly) decided to handle everything ourselves.

Did we save money? Yes.

Did it also create more stress and logistical work? Abso – freaking – lutely!

One thing I learned from planning my own wedding in San Francisco is that planners aren’t just there for aesthetics, they’re there to protect your mental bandwidth.

And if you decide not to hire one, I highly recommend creating detailed setup instructions for your family or friends ahead of time. We made:

• A checklist of every item needed for the ceremony + reception
• Step-by-step setup instructions at the reception space
• A Canva layout map showing where everything should go

That helped tremendously on the actual wedding day.

*Quick side story: So our family members, specifically my mom & dad and a few of my girlfriends, were supposed to arrive at the venue an hour early to set up the space for the reception. Lo and behold, there was bad traffic that day and they didn’t arrive until about the time the reception began. However, my partner’s family and a few other friends of ours arrived early. They found the pile of “wedding supplies” sitting in the corner, located the checklist of what to do, and literally went down the checklist and set everything up ahead of time. Amazing!

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

I know everyone says this, but I finally understood it once I got close to the wedding itself.

The closer the day got, the less I cared about tiny details being perfect. I had major decision fatigue by the end, and finishing tasks became more important than optimizing every little thing.

Perfection becomes a moving target during wedding planning.

At some point, “done” is better than “perfect.”

You Really Don’t Need to Spend a Fortune on Decor

Decor matters, but in my opinion, it matters far less than people think it does.

People remember the atmosphere. The conversations. The dancing. The emotions. The feeling of being welcomed and included.

If you’re working within a budget, I highly recommend borrowing, thrifting, or buying secondhand whenever possible. For example, we bought our linen napkins on Facebook Marketplace for a fraction of the rental cost. (And then sold them again after.) We also bought a giant Jenga set on Etsy for the same price it would have been to rent one.

And honestly? Nobody knew the difference.

Have a Plan A and Plan B in Case of Deterrent Weather

This one may feel obvious, but I feel I need to mention it anyway. Because weather does change, and you’ll want to rest easy at night knowing you have a backup plan if need be.

The week before our wedding day, we had a heat wave in San Francisco. A heat wave. Nothing but sunshine and flowers, people outside every minute of every day. You literally couldn’t ask for better springtime weather in San Francisco.

And then it poured rain on our wedding day. Literally dumping rain in the morning. (We were scheduled to get married on the beach.)

Believe it or not, the clouds decided to part shortly before our scheduled ceremony and the sun actually came out. It was incredible! But we did have a Plan B in place if the rain had decided to continue.

Remember, things can and will shift at the last minute. The more prepared you are, the more flexible and go-with-the-flow you can be, which means the more enjoyable the day becomes.

Have Someone Record Your Ceremony

This was not my original plan. A videographer was not in our budget and I wanted an unplugged wedding.

However,

My videographer friend, Shana, very highly (and repeatedly) told me: record the ceremony. “You won’t regret it,” she said.

So we did.

Before I walked down what I’m loosely calling the “aisle,” I asked my friend to run my cell phone to my partner’s niece (teenagers are good with phones). I told them her to stand up front and record the entire ceremony, but to hold the phone at chest level, not in front of her face. (That part was important…we didn’t want a phone to be blocking her view the entire time.)

WOW you guys! I could not be happier that we did this.

Now we have our entire ceremony on video. I literally watched it in our hotel that night in the wee hours of the morning with tears in my eyes.

I’m telling you. Record your ceremony. Especially if you’re sharing personal vows.

Take Group Photos Before the Reception

Trust me on this one.

If there are family photos or group combinations you really care about, try to finish them before the reception begins.

Once the reception starts, the night flies by. People wander off, conversations start, drinks happen, and suddenly tracking people down becomes nearly impossible. 

Future-you will thank you.

The Biggest Thing I Learned From Planning My Own Wedding in San Francisco

Enjoy the day. Seriously.

One of my own clients told me this just days before our wedding. I had photographed their micro wedding a few weeks earlier, and they booked me again for a post-wedding session the week before my own wedding.

He told me:

“The day goes by so fast. Really soak it in and enjoy it.”

And I truly tried to take that advice to heart.

At the end of it all, the things I remember most aren’t the decorations or tiny details I stressed about for months. I remember laughing with our friends. Hugging people we love. Dancing. Seeing everyone together in one room.

I remember how the day felt.

And honestly, that’s exactly what I hope for my couples too.

I don’t want to say that planning my own wedding changed the way I photograph weddings, because I don’t think that’s true. I’ve always cared about creating space for couples to actually experience their day instead of constantly performing for the camera. But now that I’ve experienced the other side of things, I do think my approach will shift in little ways. Understanding that every couple is different and may want different things, if this kind of wedding is what you’re hoping for, I think we could be a good fit.

If you’re planning a wedding that feels more intentional than performative, more connected than curated, I’d genuinely love to hear from you.

Whether you’re planning a brewery party, a beach ceremony, a San Francisco City Hall elopement, or something completely your own, I care deeply about helping couples feel present on their wedding day.

Photo Credit: All the black and white film images on this page were taken by our buddy, Matt Boom. He’s incredible and we are so grateful to him for these memories.

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